Goodness how time flies!! I'm now 19 weeks pregnant, and so if you consider a baby is thought to be full term if born after 38 weeks that means I'm half way through... it seems to have gone by so quickly. Thank goodness for that - I'm still struggling a bit, although there's no doubt its easier now that I don't have to struggle out to work every morning.
I'm still being sick in the mornings, and during the day if I'm moving about a lot (even walking from room to room or tidying up or anything) I start to heave uncontrollably... there's no doubt it will be easier not having to deal with three small children at the same time!! In balance, I think I'm quite happy to sit at home and worry about how I'm going to pay my mortgage instead!
Other things on the negative side, (to be added to my list of 'things I wish I knew before i was pregnant)
- Since being about 5 weeks pregnant I haven't had a night where I haven't had to get up to go to the loo, but in the last few weeks I wake every time I try to move in my sleep; either because I roll onto my back and nearly suffocate myself, or because if I want to turn from side to side I have to consciously shift the weight of my belly!
- HEARTBURN. 24/7 - I wasn't expecting to get this until much later on but it's already a constant.
- I can't get comfortable ANYWHERE - walking about makes me sick and I just can't find a way to sit that's comfortable so I'm constantly shifting around trying to balance the aches in the bottom of my tummy with the pains in my hips. Never mind in bed... my poor OH jokes that he's going to start sleeping on the floor very soon as I just cannot get comfortable in bed without the use of about 6 pillows - which of course get further and further over to his side of the bed every hours or so!
- I never knew that one of the 'side effects' of pregnancy was having a stuffy, blocked up nose or that you were more likely to have nosebleeds. Regular nosebleeds first thing in the morning combined with the morning sickness does not make for an attractive picture!!!
- I'd optimistically expected to get my normal energy levels back for at least the second trimester, but if I slow down any at all I'm going to be at a full stop! Even the smallest task leaves me reeling with exhaustion and I've discovered that if I do a lot one day I'll be practically comatose (and very violently ill) the following day... it's psychologically very hard to adjust to taking it easy and not being able to just keep going from morning to night the way I've always been used to doing!
Since being busy and active has been my strategy to keep depression at bay it does make me a little bit nervous to just let myself stop and tread water for a while, but so far so good - I'm so occupied (obsessed?) with thinking about my pregnancy and baby that I'm still feeling mentally quite strong.
On the other list though are the things I was expecting... but never knew would be so incredible
- I love seeing my gorgeous bump grow... it's now a proper bump; it hasn't actually grown much in size in the last 2 weeks but the shape has changed and it's lovely and round. And my boobs!! They're gorgeous (no roadmap of veins or massive nipples yet!), but they're massive - I've now gone from 34DD/E pre-pregnancy to 34H!! I'm going to need scaffolding when my milk comes in!!
- Feeling your baby moving inside you is one of the things I'd looked forward to the most, but I'd forgotten how incredible it is (at least at the minute, when it's still little and gentle!! I'm sure I'll be sick of it when it's filling every last mm of space inside me and battering my organs!!)
- The bizarre new bodily functions you acquire! Who knew?! Although of course I knew my boobs were going to start making milk, I didn't expect to really see anything change until the very end!! However on Saturday night I was lying on my side in bed reading a book and I started thinking how lovely it would be to lie in bed and feed my little one, when I realised I was leaking!! I have to say, I found it hilarious, but I don't think OH was quite so sure about it - in fact, he's a little bit freaked out!!
One of the other positives has been that I've been really lucky so far in some respects - I've got the thick, healthy hair, my nails are really strong, my skin has improved and people keep telling me I look 'healthy', and so far the only parts of my body that has changed are my boobs (36H and counting!!) and my belly. Somehow I haven't yet put on any weight but I'm sure that will come, and since baby is making its presence felt I'm pretty sure that whilst baby is growing, I personally must be losing weight.
So apart from the pregnancy blurb, what else has been happening? Well I had a really lovely Christmas - my family came here for their Christmas dinner, which has been the first time they've ever been up here to my OH's house, despite the fact I've lived here for over a year now. Dinner went exactly to plan and everyone had a great time, we had a lovely walk up the mountain on boxing day and it was a lovely start to what will be the new family tradition.
Since then I've kind of been stuck in the house as we live on the side of a mountain and our roads are a bit of a disaster in this weather... since the first really heavy snow the week before Christmas temperatures haven't got above freezing and our road is just like a bottle. Last year it wouldn't have phased me, but I just feel so much more vulnerable now. I'm hoping it doesn't last for too much longer or I'll go stir-crazy stuck in the house!
We had planned to go out this week and change one of our cars for a 4WD but since OH is being made redundant we'll have to wait and see how things pan out before we spend any money. Financially this year is going to be a bit tight, given that he's now on a 22hr wk and probably won't have a job in a few weeks time, and I've stopped working - and between us we have two mortgages and a loan. We'll get through though
I finished work on the Friday before Christmas, but today is the first time that it's started to feel a bit strange.. now that everybody else is going back to work I'll have to find a routine for myself and figure out what I'm going to do!! I'm hoping to start selling on ebay again and hopefully generate at least some sort of income to try and clear the balance on my loan.
At least we don't need very much for baby.... I've got a list of the last few big items we need to buy, and it's all fairly achievable:
I'm determined to give reusable nappies a good go and after doing lots of research I had settled on bumgenius, which was going to set us back a couple of hundred pounds. This weekend though I discovered 'Naughty baby nappies' on ebay and I should be able to get half of what I want for about £40 (I'll buy half white nappies now and then once I give them a trial run and find out what colours to go for i'll hopefully be able to buy another 8-10 so we can use them full time)
The cot mattress I've discovered I can get from Tesco direct which means I can redeem all the clubcard vouchers from the back of my 2009 diary - so it's not actually going to cost me a penny
The pram is the biggest purchase we have to make and thankfully my mum is going to buy it for us - I can't wait to go shopping for it!!
And the birth pool.... with the necessary kit it will probably cost around £150 - part of me thinks that it's not strictly an essential, especially when money is going to be so tight, but the more I read about it the more convinced I become that it may well be the best way to get the birth I want. An aunt of mine was home from England last week and she reinforced that even more by telling me about her water births. I've always felt at home in the water, and I can just imagine what a relief it would be to be gravity free!! I think I'll probably use the HIP grant to get it... after all, you only get to have your first child once and I want to give myself the best possible chance of a good birth experience.
There's lots to look forward to this month. First, on the 11th I've got my next midwife appointment where they'll hopefully book me in for the home birth service. I've done loads of research since our last appointment and will be going in ready to completely justify my decision. On the 14th we've got our scan which I know will completely bowl over Daddy-to-be. Then on the 21st I'm flying to Glasgow to see my brother at university - I've never been to Scotland before, and I can't wait to see his little world over there. From there I'm flying to London to see my sister - we're planning to potter about in the maternity shops and baby shops over there and have a nice relaxed few days together. Her and I had never been close, but when she was home for a few days at Christmas she was really interested in everything baby and we spent hours talking about baby names, so could it be we've finally found some common ground?! I'd never had her down as the maternal type but she definately can't wait to be an aunt!!
I'll fly home on the 25th - my 25th birthday, and from there on I'm just going to concentrate on growing a healthy baby! Oh - and decorating a beautiful nursery of course!!
Monday, 4 January 2010
Monday, 14 December 2009
16 wks
Since my last post I've been feeling much better (thank goodness!) I think perhaps it must have been a little hormone surge as I spent a couple of days just feeling so weepy and sorry for myself.
Things haven't been too bad since then.. I'm a bit more like my old self and have definately had more energy that I did during the first trimester. I still get tired pretty quickly, and I find that if I have a busy day one day I am completely exhausted (and very sick!) the following day.
The sickness still hasn't passed completely... I'm still being sick most mornings, and quite often in the evening if I'm tired, or instantly as soon as I get hungry (which happens about every 15 minutes!!), but it's much easier to cope with than it has been.
My tummy is starting to look so lovely and round and Daddy-to-be loves patting it and talking to it now (as well as singing to it after a few drinks... it's just as well it probably can't hear him yet!!!)
I've kept a folder where I'm putting one photo per week of my tum and it makes a lovely little timeline... I'm sure one day I'll look back in astonishment at the flat(ish) pictures at the start! Somehow, despite my growing tum, I still haven't put on a lb weight!
I had my 16 week midwife appointment today. I'd prepared a list of questions i had in advance but then completely forgot about it when I got there!! A pretty un-inspiring experience really... she confirmed a few questions from my notes and then I hopped up on the table and let her put goo on my belly so we could hear the little heartbeat which was regular (148 beats per minute).
I asked her about a home birth and don't think she's terribly convinced it's a good idea. She said that 'first time mothers aren't in our criteria' because 'we don't know what your body is capable of'. I found that a bit depressing - surely a midwife should believe that the vast majority of women are capable of giving birth?! I was trying to make it clear to her that it wasn't just a whim and that I also wasn't being fanatical about it - I agreed with her that if there were any complications during my pregnancy I wouldn't have a problem with planning a hospital birth but that I'd like to at least attempt to give birth at home. She agreed that it was my choice and that if it was what I wanted they would support my decision but I got the distinct impression that she thinks i'm mad!
I suppose they just get so used to they system they work within - she said in the trust area they've only attended two home births in the last year. I agreed to go home and think about it and we'll discuss it again at my next appointment in four weeks time. I'm planning to arm myself with print outs of research to support my decision so that i feel capable of standing my ground.
Got home and decided to unload my car which was lovely - I'd been visiting an aunt yesterday who had her second (and last) baby in June this year and he has now outgrown his Moses basket, so they'd popped it in the boot for me last night.
I can't wait to have my own little bundle to pop in it!! We've got two baskets now - the white one and a pink one, so we'll have one in the bedroom and one in the kitchen. Which way round they'll go will depend on whether our little bundle is 'pink' or 'blue' when it arrives!!
In the basket is our babies first bear:
When I was little my bear was really important to me, and I still give him a cuddle when I'm having a hard day!! He's bald all over now and has had to have his eyes and nose restitched countless times! He even won an award once and got featured in the local paper as 'the most loved bear'!! I loved that my Dad had bought him for my Mum and so I'd asked Daddy-to-be to get me a bear. He's from the 'loved and adored' range from Babies'R'Us and has a detachable fleece/silk blankie. I'm going to start sleeping with him after Christmas so when our little one arrives it will already smell like Mum and (in theory) be a comfort.
I'm so excited about meeting my little one next year... it still seems so incredibly far away but I'm sure it will be May before i even know it!!
There'll be lots happening between now and then... we got the bad (but not unexpected) news today that my OH's company is going to close at the end of January, so he'll be made redundant. It's horrible timing for him with me giving up work at the same time, and having just taken on a mortgage for the first time in his life. I personally think it might be the best thing that's ever happened to him (apart from me, of course!!). He's worked in the same company since leaving school and I really think a change will do him a world of good. I just wish that he shared my confidence that things will work out. He's excellent at what he does (designing, making and fitting kitchens) and will be happier once he's doing the hands on work again instead of managing other people, he's well connected in the industry and I have a pretty good head for business... I just have to convince him to take the chance and set up a business of his/our own.
We were talking about it with a friend the other night who has spare space in his business and he has offered it to us rent free for a trial period and I've asked him to speak to his boss about taking a van, tools and some of the showroom displays as part of his redundancy package - we could be fairly well set up for not a lot of money and I'm completely sure it's worth giving it a go. It's just a pity that the market is so unfavourable and that he has such a cautious nature. Still... I'll give him a day or two to sink in before I start pushing him to think about what happens next. I do sometimes wish he was more proactive!!
I'm going to log off shortly to go and make some dinner and then this evening I'm going to finish wrapping the christmas pressies for under the tree. It's so exciting to imagine getting ready for Christmas next year with a whole new person in our family!! I'm pretty confident that next year there might not be so much home baking or hand made Christmas cards but I'm betting it's going to feel more festive than ever!! I'm just about ready for Christmas this year. I ordered all the non-perishable stuff today from Tesco so that's coming tomorrow and then all I'll need to do is get in the fresh stuff on Saturday (for the party we're having on Sunday), and get the fresh turkey and veg on Christmas eve.
I'm still waiting on my most exciting Christmas present ever though - hopefully by then I'll be feeling my baby moving!!!!
Love to all
MummyK
Things haven't been too bad since then.. I'm a bit more like my old self and have definately had more energy that I did during the first trimester. I still get tired pretty quickly, and I find that if I have a busy day one day I am completely exhausted (and very sick!) the following day.
The sickness still hasn't passed completely... I'm still being sick most mornings, and quite often in the evening if I'm tired, or instantly as soon as I get hungry (which happens about every 15 minutes!!), but it's much easier to cope with than it has been.
My tummy is starting to look so lovely and round and Daddy-to-be loves patting it and talking to it now (as well as singing to it after a few drinks... it's just as well it probably can't hear him yet!!!)
I've kept a folder where I'm putting one photo per week of my tum and it makes a lovely little timeline... I'm sure one day I'll look back in astonishment at the flat(ish) pictures at the start! Somehow, despite my growing tum, I still haven't put on a lb weight!
I had my 16 week midwife appointment today. I'd prepared a list of questions i had in advance but then completely forgot about it when I got there!! A pretty un-inspiring experience really... she confirmed a few questions from my notes and then I hopped up on the table and let her put goo on my belly so we could hear the little heartbeat which was regular (148 beats per minute).
I asked her about a home birth and don't think she's terribly convinced it's a good idea. She said that 'first time mothers aren't in our criteria' because 'we don't know what your body is capable of'. I found that a bit depressing - surely a midwife should believe that the vast majority of women are capable of giving birth?! I was trying to make it clear to her that it wasn't just a whim and that I also wasn't being fanatical about it - I agreed with her that if there were any complications during my pregnancy I wouldn't have a problem with planning a hospital birth but that I'd like to at least attempt to give birth at home. She agreed that it was my choice and that if it was what I wanted they would support my decision but I got the distinct impression that she thinks i'm mad!
I suppose they just get so used to they system they work within - she said in the trust area they've only attended two home births in the last year. I agreed to go home and think about it and we'll discuss it again at my next appointment in four weeks time. I'm planning to arm myself with print outs of research to support my decision so that i feel capable of standing my ground.
Got home and decided to unload my car which was lovely - I'd been visiting an aunt yesterday who had her second (and last) baby in June this year and he has now outgrown his Moses basket, so they'd popped it in the boot for me last night.
I can't wait to have my own little bundle to pop in it!! We've got two baskets now - the white one and a pink one, so we'll have one in the bedroom and one in the kitchen. Which way round they'll go will depend on whether our little bundle is 'pink' or 'blue' when it arrives!!
In the basket is our babies first bear:
When I was little my bear was really important to me, and I still give him a cuddle when I'm having a hard day!! He's bald all over now and has had to have his eyes and nose restitched countless times! He even won an award once and got featured in the local paper as 'the most loved bear'!! I loved that my Dad had bought him for my Mum and so I'd asked Daddy-to-be to get me a bear. He's from the 'loved and adored' range from Babies'R'Us and has a detachable fleece/silk blankie. I'm going to start sleeping with him after Christmas so when our little one arrives it will already smell like Mum and (in theory) be a comfort.
I'm so excited about meeting my little one next year... it still seems so incredibly far away but I'm sure it will be May before i even know it!!
There'll be lots happening between now and then... we got the bad (but not unexpected) news today that my OH's company is going to close at the end of January, so he'll be made redundant. It's horrible timing for him with me giving up work at the same time, and having just taken on a mortgage for the first time in his life. I personally think it might be the best thing that's ever happened to him (apart from me, of course!!). He's worked in the same company since leaving school and I really think a change will do him a world of good. I just wish that he shared my confidence that things will work out. He's excellent at what he does (designing, making and fitting kitchens) and will be happier once he's doing the hands on work again instead of managing other people, he's well connected in the industry and I have a pretty good head for business... I just have to convince him to take the chance and set up a business of his/our own.
We were talking about it with a friend the other night who has spare space in his business and he has offered it to us rent free for a trial period and I've asked him to speak to his boss about taking a van, tools and some of the showroom displays as part of his redundancy package - we could be fairly well set up for not a lot of money and I'm completely sure it's worth giving it a go. It's just a pity that the market is so unfavourable and that he has such a cautious nature. Still... I'll give him a day or two to sink in before I start pushing him to think about what happens next. I do sometimes wish he was more proactive!!
I'm going to log off shortly to go and make some dinner and then this evening I'm going to finish wrapping the christmas pressies for under the tree. It's so exciting to imagine getting ready for Christmas next year with a whole new person in our family!! I'm pretty confident that next year there might not be so much home baking or hand made Christmas cards but I'm betting it's going to feel more festive than ever!! I'm just about ready for Christmas this year. I ordered all the non-perishable stuff today from Tesco so that's coming tomorrow and then all I'll need to do is get in the fresh stuff on Saturday (for the party we're having on Sunday), and get the fresh turkey and veg on Christmas eve.
I'm still waiting on my most exciting Christmas present ever though - hopefully by then I'll be feeling my baby moving!!!!
Love to all
MummyK
Thursday, 3 December 2009
Feeling sorry for myself
I just feel like I need a cuddle.
After 8 weeks of constant sickness and nausea I'd started to feel better and now I've got a stinking cold. The sickness is back and I just feel so blooming useless.
Started feeling a bit upset last night when OH got a phonecall inviting us out to a dinner dance on Saturday night and I said we could go for the dinner but I couldn't cope with two late nights out in a row (we've already got plans for Friday night). I just felt like such a drag... he's been so good to me in the last 12 weeks and all I do is moan. I really don't mean to. I'm delighted to be pregnant and so excited about meeting my baby next year. I just expected this all to be so much easier.
I'd already planned to stop work at Christmas but since I'm off this week and she's already got her replacement childminder lined up I'm thinking about just finishing now. It would be such a relief as the thought of going back makes me want to cry...if only money wasn't such a worry.
It doesn't help that OH came home on Wednesday night and said his boss is talking about closing the business after Christmas. I've known it was a possibility for a long time and it wouldn't be a disaster: OH would be entitled to his redudancy which would keep him going until he could set up elsewhere and I really think he'd be happier working with tools again as a joiner rather than managing a company where he's got all the responsibility and none of the control. I think I'd even be happy about it if he wasn't so stressed about it. I just don't feel like I can cope with anybody elses worries at the minute and I have no patience for him worrying about what if's
I know I'm very lucky really... and I'd put up with anything in the world to meet my baby next year. I'll blame the hormones for now... and go back to bed for a little cry
After 8 weeks of constant sickness and nausea I'd started to feel better and now I've got a stinking cold. The sickness is back and I just feel so blooming useless.
Started feeling a bit upset last night when OH got a phonecall inviting us out to a dinner dance on Saturday night and I said we could go for the dinner but I couldn't cope with two late nights out in a row (we've already got plans for Friday night). I just felt like such a drag... he's been so good to me in the last 12 weeks and all I do is moan. I really don't mean to. I'm delighted to be pregnant and so excited about meeting my baby next year. I just expected this all to be so much easier.
I'd already planned to stop work at Christmas but since I'm off this week and she's already got her replacement childminder lined up I'm thinking about just finishing now. It would be such a relief as the thought of going back makes me want to cry...if only money wasn't such a worry.
It doesn't help that OH came home on Wednesday night and said his boss is talking about closing the business after Christmas. I've known it was a possibility for a long time and it wouldn't be a disaster: OH would be entitled to his redudancy which would keep him going until he could set up elsewhere and I really think he'd be happier working with tools again as a joiner rather than managing a company where he's got all the responsibility and none of the control. I think I'd even be happy about it if he wasn't so stressed about it. I just don't feel like I can cope with anybody elses worries at the minute and I have no patience for him worrying about what if's
I know I'm very lucky really... and I'd put up with anything in the world to meet my baby next year. I'll blame the hormones for now... and go back to bed for a little cry
Monday, 30 November 2009
14 weeks and counting
So there we have it... pregnancy is not only the most exciting thing to ever happen to me, it's also the damned hardest work I've ever done in my life. I haven't been here in 4 weeks because I've hardly had the strength to sit upright to drive my car to work, never mind to sit at the computer when I come home in the evenings. Who knew?
So far it's been pretty tough going... I've had a few weeks of vomiting every time I've moved (and that isn't an exaggeration... I have to walk about the house with a towel, and drive with plastic bags in my lap) and sheer exhaustion. Thank God (and I don't mean that blasphemously... I'm so grateful!!) I'm now starting to feel slightly more human. The sickness seems to have eased a bit in the last 10 days or so, although it has been replaced at the top of the list of 'most annoying pregnancy symptom' by the capacity I now have to faint, anywhere, at any time, if i have to stand for more than a few minutes at a time. I've had a few embarrassing moments - primarily fainting in the changing rooms while out with the MIL (giving her the fright of her life!), and when standing in line to buy a bottle of water in the middle of a busy shopping centre.
Although my pregnancy has been going unrecorded on my online blog I have been making a more important record; a beautiful journal I'm writing in every few days with letters to my baby. Full of sentimental soppiness I hope that some day my little tot will be able to appreciate how very wanted, loved and adored s/he has been right from the very start. It's already turning into a lovely momento as I've stuck in the congratulations cards, appointment letters and that first picture.
So apart from the sickness, fainting and exhaustion, what else has been happening in the last month? Well my baby is now a proper official little person who has it's very first portrait taken. I won't bother posting the scan picture... it's exactly the same as every other dating scan picture you've ever seen... a little kidney bean shaped blob with a bigger blog for a head. I had expected that having the scan itself would be quite emotional but it didn't really make much of an impression on me. I felt like I went into it knowing what I was going to see, and in complete faith that it was going to be okay. 'Daddy-to-be' on the other hand cried when he saw that little heart beating away on the monitor and thinks that 'it's got a boys face... and he's grumpy'... hmm.. not sure quite how he saw that in the miniscule blurry screen but I'm really glad that I pushed him into coming along. Somehow I think he was expecting them to tell us I'd been making it up!
Since then he's started switching into protective Daddy mode and has been taking very good care of me. Most evenings it's all I can do to make dinner when I get home and then crawl into bed, and for the rest of the evening he'll be down every half hour or so to see if there's anything he can bring me or anything he can do to make me more comfortable. It's very sweet and I've been trying not to take advantage TOO much... having said that, I AM growing a baby!!
Baby seems to be growing well as well, if my tum is anything to go by. My waist has now gone from 30" to 39" and last week people started patting it!! It's just a lovely feeling and I keep telling baby in my letters how loved they are already - and still just the size of a weetabix!! It's bizarre to be growing so much when I've actually lost weight so far - just over half a stone in fact! It's great in a way because I'd been trying to lose a little bit of weight before conceiving and since then I've been eating like a horse and am still at my target weight...hopefully it will make it that bit easier to get back to normal afterwards (or as normal as things will ever be again!). So far my belly and boobs are the only bit of me that have grown (I'm now a H cup!!!). I couldn't help feel smug when I saw a friends wife recently who is expecting at the same time as me - she's normally very glam and has always made me feel quite inferior (she's one of these people who three appointments a week to get her hair blow dried and never goes out in flat shoes) - her face has blown up to the size of a football! Not that I'm going to gloat but I did leave her house feeling a bit happier than usual!!
As my pregnancy has been so tough so far it's made it easier for me to make a decision about leaving work. A combination of factors including the beginnings of SPD, my scary family history of cervical imcompetence and my terror of driving down our tiny country lanes in the snow and frost mean that I'm giving up work at Christmas - only 9 more working days for me!!! I'm really looking forward to being able to take some time to just relax and concentrate on growing a healthy baby as well as getting my little nest ready for it.
Because we conceived just after the settlement on OH's divorce was made final it's meant we're able to get stuck straight into redecorating the entire house and I think the expected arrival is a pretty good motivator... in the last few weeks we redecorated the spare bedroom (previously with pink walls and stencilling!) which is now a beautiful creamy refuge where my Mum can come and stay for a few days after the birth. The hall is no longer orange but has had it's first coat of white paint, and next weekend will be a beautiful linen colour that compliments the natural stone tiles. The next room after that will be our bedroom which will go from bright yellow to lovely natural creams.
The room I'm most excited about it the bathroom - as it currently has a forest green ceiling and dark green walls with lighter green sponged effects and gold stencilling, and NO BATH!! I've picked some lovely calm colours for in there, and a beautiful traditional cast iron bath... I can't wait to get that done. To be able to have a bath in my own house again will seem like the utmost in luxury.
The nursery will be next after that... it still seems a long way off though!
The only little niggling worry is money: I bought my own house at a very bad time (just before the market crash) and because a lot of the properties around me were buy-to-let it's now sitting in between three or four houses to let. Whilst I've got a room rented in mine it comes nowhere close to paying the mortgage, but I can't put him out because there are so many empty rental properties available I can't guarantee being able to let mine to anybody else. It means that while I'm not working I'll still need to pay my share of the mortgage and bills. I'm going to just about be able to cover it, but i don't know what i'll do if the interest rates go back up, and I'm not going to have a penny spare for the next year or so. The other worrying thing about that is being dependant on OH for paying our day to day bills and looking after baby.
Before getting pregnant it didn't overly concern me that he isn't fantastic at dealing with money...he had his and I had mine. Now I've realised that I'm going to be dependant on him means that it is SCARY that he won't budget. He knows that he spends more than he earns every week / month - but he doesn't know how much and he doesn't seem terribly bothered. As part of his settlement he got a cash lump sum and i kept urging him to put it into a different account so that it doesn't just gradually disappear on the every day stuff without him noticing, but he hasn't done that - and I don't know how much of it he's spending. I know that nagging won't help - I just don't know what I can do that will make any difference.
Whilst i know he's going to be a great Daddy I do worry about what he's going to be like as a partner. It has been a definate role shift in the house already as before I very much looked after him, and now he has had to look after me and I'm hoping that once I start to feel better and once we're settled into family life we'll find a better balance.
I'm also already worrying about how we'll ever get around to producing a second baby (not that i want to get ahead of myself or anything!!). Ever since the very start of our relationship it always niggled at me that i was always the one to initiate sex, and that i had a much higher sex drive. During the first trimester I felt so sick and my boobs were so sore that the thought never even entered my mind, however in the last few weeks I've been feeling more like myself in that respect but OH is definately not on for the 'three in the bed' situation. He won't even hug me properly in case he bumps baby!!!
Rubbing my 'miracle oil' into my boobs and belly every morning and night makes me feel really sensual and I love my changing shape... I feel like a goddess and I deserve to be worshipped!! I just sometimes wish that we shared a bit more passion and a bit more chemistry. I do worry that we could end up stuck in a completely platonic relationship... I don't want to force him into something he's uncomfortable with at the minute but I know that it isn't going to improve as I get bigger and by the time baby arrives and I've physically recovered it could easily be close to a year - to my mind that's just far too long for a couple to go without physical intimacy.
Apart from that, I'm very content looking forward to mummy-hood. I've got so much support from both of our families and I'm really looking forward to all that is to come. While a lot of women seem to be already worrying about the birth I can't wait to have that experience. I've been reading lots of positive birth stories and am preparing myself for a natural home water birth. I've started a pregnancy yoga programme, and have bought a birth ball that I intend to use after Christmas. I've also been walking, and once I have more time in the New Year I hope to swim a couple of times a week.. I'm hoping that the better condition my body is in the more natural my birth can be but we'll see what happens when we get there.
Before I get that far the next big milestone I'm looking forward to is feeling the baby move... I expect that to happen in the next 4-6 weeks or so - what better Christmas present could I have than to finally feel that precious little person I already love so much and feel I know so well?!
That's all for now....
So far it's been pretty tough going... I've had a few weeks of vomiting every time I've moved (and that isn't an exaggeration... I have to walk about the house with a towel, and drive with plastic bags in my lap) and sheer exhaustion. Thank God (and I don't mean that blasphemously... I'm so grateful!!) I'm now starting to feel slightly more human. The sickness seems to have eased a bit in the last 10 days or so, although it has been replaced at the top of the list of 'most annoying pregnancy symptom' by the capacity I now have to faint, anywhere, at any time, if i have to stand for more than a few minutes at a time. I've had a few embarrassing moments - primarily fainting in the changing rooms while out with the MIL (giving her the fright of her life!), and when standing in line to buy a bottle of water in the middle of a busy shopping centre.
Although my pregnancy has been going unrecorded on my online blog I have been making a more important record; a beautiful journal I'm writing in every few days with letters to my baby. Full of sentimental soppiness I hope that some day my little tot will be able to appreciate how very wanted, loved and adored s/he has been right from the very start. It's already turning into a lovely momento as I've stuck in the congratulations cards, appointment letters and that first picture.
So apart from the sickness, fainting and exhaustion, what else has been happening in the last month? Well my baby is now a proper official little person who has it's very first portrait taken. I won't bother posting the scan picture... it's exactly the same as every other dating scan picture you've ever seen... a little kidney bean shaped blob with a bigger blog for a head. I had expected that having the scan itself would be quite emotional but it didn't really make much of an impression on me. I felt like I went into it knowing what I was going to see, and in complete faith that it was going to be okay. 'Daddy-to-be' on the other hand cried when he saw that little heart beating away on the monitor and thinks that 'it's got a boys face... and he's grumpy'... hmm.. not sure quite how he saw that in the miniscule blurry screen but I'm really glad that I pushed him into coming along. Somehow I think he was expecting them to tell us I'd been making it up!
Since then he's started switching into protective Daddy mode and has been taking very good care of me. Most evenings it's all I can do to make dinner when I get home and then crawl into bed, and for the rest of the evening he'll be down every half hour or so to see if there's anything he can bring me or anything he can do to make me more comfortable. It's very sweet and I've been trying not to take advantage TOO much... having said that, I AM growing a baby!!
Baby seems to be growing well as well, if my tum is anything to go by. My waist has now gone from 30" to 39" and last week people started patting it!! It's just a lovely feeling and I keep telling baby in my letters how loved they are already - and still just the size of a weetabix!! It's bizarre to be growing so much when I've actually lost weight so far - just over half a stone in fact! It's great in a way because I'd been trying to lose a little bit of weight before conceiving and since then I've been eating like a horse and am still at my target weight...hopefully it will make it that bit easier to get back to normal afterwards (or as normal as things will ever be again!). So far my belly and boobs are the only bit of me that have grown (I'm now a H cup!!!). I couldn't help feel smug when I saw a friends wife recently who is expecting at the same time as me - she's normally very glam and has always made me feel quite inferior (she's one of these people who three appointments a week to get her hair blow dried and never goes out in flat shoes) - her face has blown up to the size of a football! Not that I'm going to gloat but I did leave her house feeling a bit happier than usual!!
As my pregnancy has been so tough so far it's made it easier for me to make a decision about leaving work. A combination of factors including the beginnings of SPD, my scary family history of cervical imcompetence and my terror of driving down our tiny country lanes in the snow and frost mean that I'm giving up work at Christmas - only 9 more working days for me!!! I'm really looking forward to being able to take some time to just relax and concentrate on growing a healthy baby as well as getting my little nest ready for it.
Because we conceived just after the settlement on OH's divorce was made final it's meant we're able to get stuck straight into redecorating the entire house and I think the expected arrival is a pretty good motivator... in the last few weeks we redecorated the spare bedroom (previously with pink walls and stencilling!) which is now a beautiful creamy refuge where my Mum can come and stay for a few days after the birth. The hall is no longer orange but has had it's first coat of white paint, and next weekend will be a beautiful linen colour that compliments the natural stone tiles. The next room after that will be our bedroom which will go from bright yellow to lovely natural creams.
The room I'm most excited about it the bathroom - as it currently has a forest green ceiling and dark green walls with lighter green sponged effects and gold stencilling, and NO BATH!! I've picked some lovely calm colours for in there, and a beautiful traditional cast iron bath... I can't wait to get that done. To be able to have a bath in my own house again will seem like the utmost in luxury.
The nursery will be next after that... it still seems a long way off though!
The only little niggling worry is money: I bought my own house at a very bad time (just before the market crash) and because a lot of the properties around me were buy-to-let it's now sitting in between three or four houses to let. Whilst I've got a room rented in mine it comes nowhere close to paying the mortgage, but I can't put him out because there are so many empty rental properties available I can't guarantee being able to let mine to anybody else. It means that while I'm not working I'll still need to pay my share of the mortgage and bills. I'm going to just about be able to cover it, but i don't know what i'll do if the interest rates go back up, and I'm not going to have a penny spare for the next year or so. The other worrying thing about that is being dependant on OH for paying our day to day bills and looking after baby.
Before getting pregnant it didn't overly concern me that he isn't fantastic at dealing with money...he had his and I had mine. Now I've realised that I'm going to be dependant on him means that it is SCARY that he won't budget. He knows that he spends more than he earns every week / month - but he doesn't know how much and he doesn't seem terribly bothered. As part of his settlement he got a cash lump sum and i kept urging him to put it into a different account so that it doesn't just gradually disappear on the every day stuff without him noticing, but he hasn't done that - and I don't know how much of it he's spending. I know that nagging won't help - I just don't know what I can do that will make any difference.
Whilst i know he's going to be a great Daddy I do worry about what he's going to be like as a partner. It has been a definate role shift in the house already as before I very much looked after him, and now he has had to look after me and I'm hoping that once I start to feel better and once we're settled into family life we'll find a better balance.
I'm also already worrying about how we'll ever get around to producing a second baby (not that i want to get ahead of myself or anything!!). Ever since the very start of our relationship it always niggled at me that i was always the one to initiate sex, and that i had a much higher sex drive. During the first trimester I felt so sick and my boobs were so sore that the thought never even entered my mind, however in the last few weeks I've been feeling more like myself in that respect but OH is definately not on for the 'three in the bed' situation. He won't even hug me properly in case he bumps baby!!!
Rubbing my 'miracle oil' into my boobs and belly every morning and night makes me feel really sensual and I love my changing shape... I feel like a goddess and I deserve to be worshipped!! I just sometimes wish that we shared a bit more passion and a bit more chemistry. I do worry that we could end up stuck in a completely platonic relationship... I don't want to force him into something he's uncomfortable with at the minute but I know that it isn't going to improve as I get bigger and by the time baby arrives and I've physically recovered it could easily be close to a year - to my mind that's just far too long for a couple to go without physical intimacy.
Apart from that, I'm very content looking forward to mummy-hood. I've got so much support from both of our families and I'm really looking forward to all that is to come. While a lot of women seem to be already worrying about the birth I can't wait to have that experience. I've been reading lots of positive birth stories and am preparing myself for a natural home water birth. I've started a pregnancy yoga programme, and have bought a birth ball that I intend to use after Christmas. I've also been walking, and once I have more time in the New Year I hope to swim a couple of times a week.. I'm hoping that the better condition my body is in the more natural my birth can be but we'll see what happens when we get there.
Before I get that far the next big milestone I'm looking forward to is feeling the baby move... I expect that to happen in the next 4-6 weeks or so - what better Christmas present could I have than to finally feel that precious little person I already love so much and feel I know so well?!
That's all for now....
Sunday, 25 October 2009
Almost 9 weeks
Tomorrow I will be 9 weeks pregnant, and the 'morning sickness' (HA!!) seems to have reached a peak. In the last few days I've been going about my normal business and then suddenly have to race to get to a sink in time (I've given up trying to get as far as the bathroom)
It's great fun... but I can't help wondering how anybody puts themself through this again when they already have a little tot to look after! I'd been planning to start trying for Baby Number 2 once this one is around 9 months old, but spending my working week heaving while trying to change nappies for the little boy I childmind has made me think twice.
Apart from that my little tum is definately getting rounder, and since anything tight around my waist makes me instantly sick I'm already wearing my maternity jeans (albeit with a few extra pins holding in the belly band!), or else tracksuit bottoms.
Apart from my lovely growing tum, the other thing growing is my boobs.... seriously, I tried to run yesterday (it was raining) and they nearly knocked me out!! I'm now a pretty impressive 34G!!!! Unless you've ever dated Jordan, you've never seen the like!!
Given my changing shape it's just as well that pretty much everyone knows now. It's been lovely what a warm response everyone has given, even people we didn't think would be terribly interested. I went to tell one of our neighbours during the week and her husband was delighted!! He's a quiet man, and quite reserved, but he got very emotional and said it's the best news there has been in this community since they moved here 7 years ago!! Whilst I sat and chatted with his wife, he came up to congratulate the Daddy to Be. Even my sister, who is very ambitious and never seemed terribly maternal, is already struggling not to buy gorgeous little bits for her new niece or nephew. She's very into her photography and she's promised to come home after the baby is born to take some gorgeous professional photographs. It seems that already there is so much hope and love invested in this little being.
My OH is going to be such a good daddy too... even if he's terrified of actually handling a baby, I know I'm going to get all the support I need. Every night after I go to bed (at about 7 o'clock, usually) he spends all evening carrying me drinks, crackers, books... anything my little heart desires. He worries terribly that something will go wrong, but I know he has just fallen in love with the idea of finally being a Daddy.
This week I went on a bit of a shopping spree... a bit premature, I know but I couldn't resist!
I came home with all babys bedding for the cot and moses basket:
as well as a lovely Winnie the Pooh blanket
and sleeping bag
I've got as many blankets, sheets, etc as they say you need on my 'Ready For Baby?' checklist, and I'm going to resist buying any more as I know I'll want either pink or blue things for my little one once it gets here!
I also got a lovely musical mobile
I'd decided that if I start picking up a couple of things as I go along it will be much easier to budget for when baby actually arrives. Last week I spent about £150 on stuff for the nursery, but I now need very little, and we've got all the nursery furniture apart from a wardrobe. It's so hard not to go overboard when everything is so gorgeous, and when buying stuff is one of the things that makes it feel real.
It still doesn't feel real a lot of the time.. I can't wait to see my little bean at the scan in a few weeks time (baby is now the size of a grape!!) and thinking about feeling the first fluttering movements makes me catch my breath. I've wanted this my whole life and I can't bear the thought of anything going wrong. I just pray that God will protect this little life that He is blessing us with.
Til next time x
It's great fun... but I can't help wondering how anybody puts themself through this again when they already have a little tot to look after! I'd been planning to start trying for Baby Number 2 once this one is around 9 months old, but spending my working week heaving while trying to change nappies for the little boy I childmind has made me think twice.
Apart from that my little tum is definately getting rounder, and since anything tight around my waist makes me instantly sick I'm already wearing my maternity jeans (albeit with a few extra pins holding in the belly band!), or else tracksuit bottoms.
Apart from my lovely growing tum, the other thing growing is my boobs.... seriously, I tried to run yesterday (it was raining) and they nearly knocked me out!! I'm now a pretty impressive 34G!!!! Unless you've ever dated Jordan, you've never seen the like!!
Given my changing shape it's just as well that pretty much everyone knows now. It's been lovely what a warm response everyone has given, even people we didn't think would be terribly interested. I went to tell one of our neighbours during the week and her husband was delighted!! He's a quiet man, and quite reserved, but he got very emotional and said it's the best news there has been in this community since they moved here 7 years ago!! Whilst I sat and chatted with his wife, he came up to congratulate the Daddy to Be. Even my sister, who is very ambitious and never seemed terribly maternal, is already struggling not to buy gorgeous little bits for her new niece or nephew. She's very into her photography and she's promised to come home after the baby is born to take some gorgeous professional photographs. It seems that already there is so much hope and love invested in this little being.
My OH is going to be such a good daddy too... even if he's terrified of actually handling a baby, I know I'm going to get all the support I need. Every night after I go to bed (at about 7 o'clock, usually) he spends all evening carrying me drinks, crackers, books... anything my little heart desires. He worries terribly that something will go wrong, but I know he has just fallen in love with the idea of finally being a Daddy.
This week I went on a bit of a shopping spree... a bit premature, I know but I couldn't resist!
I came home with all babys bedding for the cot and moses basket:
as well as a lovely Winnie the Pooh blanket
and sleeping bag
I've got as many blankets, sheets, etc as they say you need on my 'Ready For Baby?' checklist, and I'm going to resist buying any more as I know I'll want either pink or blue things for my little one once it gets here!
I also got a lovely musical mobile
I'd decided that if I start picking up a couple of things as I go along it will be much easier to budget for when baby actually arrives. Last week I spent about £150 on stuff for the nursery, but I now need very little, and we've got all the nursery furniture apart from a wardrobe. It's so hard not to go overboard when everything is so gorgeous, and when buying stuff is one of the things that makes it feel real.
It still doesn't feel real a lot of the time.. I can't wait to see my little bean at the scan in a few weeks time (baby is now the size of a grape!!) and thinking about feeling the first fluttering movements makes me catch my breath. I've wanted this my whole life and I can't bear the thought of anything going wrong. I just pray that God will protect this little life that He is blessing us with.
Til next time x
Sunday, 11 October 2009
Maternity Bras already
So little bean is still sticking... I'd been reading my 'whats happening this week' book every Monday morning but have decided to shift to a Sunday morning and make it a little ritual for OH and I... he wasn't really keen on hearing it this morning but after I'd read it he was amazed at how much is happening in there... hopefully it will help make sense of the fact that I'm crying approximately every 15 minutes (the x factor... animal adverts... just about anything can set me off)
Physically there's nothing really visible yet - apart from some quite dramatic growth in the bra department!! I'd noticed during the week that all of my lovely bras were having trouble containing me, so my Mum and I went to good old M&S yesterday for my first maternity bra - having previously been a 32DD I'd taken in a 34DD and 34E to try on - was a little bit horrified to have to send my mum back out for a 34F!!! Flip! 34F and 7 weeks - I'm going to have to have industrial strength ones made by the time I get to 38 weeks!! They're not terribly attractive but the nursing clips are a bit of a novelty and i love fiddling with them - I figure that I need to master the art of whipping all out with one hand at a seconds notice and may as well do it sooner rather than later!!! lol!!
Apart from that the sickness has kicked up a knotch this week and have been vomiting more, but the constant nausea has eased a little bit. Haven't had much of an appetite and haven't really been able to face cooking very much. Although I know it's still too early for a bump, my tum is definately feeling a bit firmer and i'm getting a bit bloated.. i guess it's more to do with hormones and slowed digestion than baby, but still!!
So that's it for now.... I'm off to lie down with a book. A few hours upright seems to be about all I can manage at the minute!! Roll on the second trimester! I'm pretty ready for that pregnancy bloom and the burst of energy all the books keep promising!!
Physically there's nothing really visible yet - apart from some quite dramatic growth in the bra department!! I'd noticed during the week that all of my lovely bras were having trouble containing me, so my Mum and I went to good old M&S yesterday for my first maternity bra - having previously been a 32DD I'd taken in a 34DD and 34E to try on - was a little bit horrified to have to send my mum back out for a 34F!!! Flip! 34F and 7 weeks - I'm going to have to have industrial strength ones made by the time I get to 38 weeks!! They're not terribly attractive but the nursing clips are a bit of a novelty and i love fiddling with them - I figure that I need to master the art of whipping all out with one hand at a seconds notice and may as well do it sooner rather than later!!! lol!!
Apart from that the sickness has kicked up a knotch this week and have been vomiting more, but the constant nausea has eased a little bit. Haven't had much of an appetite and haven't really been able to face cooking very much. Although I know it's still too early for a bump, my tum is definately feeling a bit firmer and i'm getting a bit bloated.. i guess it's more to do with hormones and slowed digestion than baby, but still!!
So that's it for now.... I'm off to lie down with a book. A few hours upright seems to be about all I can manage at the minute!! Roll on the second trimester! I'm pretty ready for that pregnancy bloom and the burst of energy all the books keep promising!!
Monday, 5 October 2009
6 weeks today
6 weeks pregnant today!!
Isn't that magic!
Last Sunday I took my Mum out for lunch and before we left I told her my news... I think she's as delighted as I am! We were really quite hopeless when we were out, everytime we'd catch each others eye we'd both start to cry again!! It's lovely now that she knows... she's really excited about being a Granny and I know it's an extra prayer or two every day for my sticky little bean!
She told my Dad that evening and, whilst it came as a bit of a shock to him, he's reacted much better than I'd hoped. He rang me on Monday evening to congratulate me and tell me to look after myself.
Thursday evening I couldn't wait any longer and we told the in-laws. They're delighted... they're both in their 60's and I think it's the major thing that has been missing from their lives. I'm under strict instructions not to do anything!! They're quite old fashioned and I know we'll probably disagree about my parenting style but I also know they'll adore having a little Grandchild to spoil and love. It's definately well prayed for since I told them, I'd say there are candles burning and rosary's said every day for it.
At 6 weeks the books are starting to say that I might start getting a little bit of morning sickness... uumm, yeah, it only started about two weeks ago! It has started to get much worse though! I've been feeling sick constantly pretty much since I found out, but the worst thing is the complete exhaustion... after an hour or two doing anything at all I just need to sit down or my head starts to spin.
I can't wait to get past the first trimester and start to feel better, and hopefully, to look pregnant!! I'm also looking forward to telling my brother and sister, and all of our friends.
I've taken a couple of 'before' pics
I'm going to take a picture every couple of weeks to chart my pregnancy progress - I can't wait to see it turn into a proper blooming baby bump!!
I'm going to sign off for now and go and try to get some paperwork caught up... it's just hard to concentrate on anything that isn't baby!!
Isn't that magic!
Last Sunday I took my Mum out for lunch and before we left I told her my news... I think she's as delighted as I am! We were really quite hopeless when we were out, everytime we'd catch each others eye we'd both start to cry again!! It's lovely now that she knows... she's really excited about being a Granny and I know it's an extra prayer or two every day for my sticky little bean!
She told my Dad that evening and, whilst it came as a bit of a shock to him, he's reacted much better than I'd hoped. He rang me on Monday evening to congratulate me and tell me to look after myself.
Thursday evening I couldn't wait any longer and we told the in-laws. They're delighted... they're both in their 60's and I think it's the major thing that has been missing from their lives. I'm under strict instructions not to do anything!! They're quite old fashioned and I know we'll probably disagree about my parenting style but I also know they'll adore having a little Grandchild to spoil and love. It's definately well prayed for since I told them, I'd say there are candles burning and rosary's said every day for it.
At 6 weeks the books are starting to say that I might start getting a little bit of morning sickness... uumm, yeah, it only started about two weeks ago! It has started to get much worse though! I've been feeling sick constantly pretty much since I found out, but the worst thing is the complete exhaustion... after an hour or two doing anything at all I just need to sit down or my head starts to spin.
I can't wait to get past the first trimester and start to feel better, and hopefully, to look pregnant!! I'm also looking forward to telling my brother and sister, and all of our friends.
I've taken a couple of 'before' pics
I'm going to take a picture every couple of weeks to chart my pregnancy progress - I can't wait to see it turn into a proper blooming baby bump!!
I'm going to sign off for now and go and try to get some paperwork caught up... it's just hard to concentrate on anything that isn't baby!!
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