Nobody ever said life was going to be fair

Better luck next month...

I knew this month I wasn't pregnant, but it's still disappointing when you know you're REALLY not pregnant. It doesn't help that my DOH hasn't yet realised that early pregnancy symptoms and PMS have pretty much the same symptoms - unfortunately I turn into THE Psycho Bitch From Hell with mood swings, chocolate cravings and heartburn every month without fail.

I do feel a little down about it... I would have loved to have been having an April baby, but I guess I'll just have to try for May instead!

My disappointment hasn't been helped by the fact that a friend of mine is now a doting daddy - following a one night stand. The mother of his baby has been a complete bitch - cutting him off completely during the pregnancy apart from to ask for money. Since Baby came along four weeks ago (and of course, he is just completely gorgeous) our friend has been at her beck and call and it's obvious she's just out for all she can get. Anyway... how come she's already got a baby, and I don't? She went clubbing this weekend! I mean, for crying out loud - your child is FOUR BLOODY WEEKS OLD!!! And she's out on the drink!! Jealousy is NOT an attractive emotion but I can't help myself.... i hate her. Pure and simple hate.

On the plus side I picked up a gorgeous Moses Basket this week in the charity shop.

Yes I know, i know, I've got one already but seriously - how could I resist? A complete bargain at £7 for Mamas and Papas basket, bedding and stand!! And now I've got one for the bedroom and one for the kitchen/living room!!

I decided on Sunday the best thing to beat the cramps and mood swings was to get stuck into something so I sorted out all the stuff in the junk room and filled the bins as well as boxes for the car boot sale... Our nursery now contains nothing apart from all the nursery furniture I'm going to paint and a wardrobe full of baby clothes, reusable nappies and maternity wear.

All I need now is a baby.

Cycle 3

You hear all the time about people conceiving after years of trying - I'm amazed!! How do they manage to have enough sex every month to make it possible?!
Unfortunately, sex is a bit of an issue in this house: I want it, he generally doesn't... it's been pretty hard to get used to that; I've been lucky enough in previous relationships to have well matched libido's, and when I haven't been in a relationship I've always had plenty of willing helpers. In the last 2 years with DOH I can remember perhaps two occasions when he's initiated sex. It was really a big deal for a while at the start with me feeling unwanted & frustrated, but I'd come to terms with it and built up an adequate selection of erotic novels which I enjoyed once he'd gone to work. Sadly, erotic novels can't impregnate you!!
Approaching, once again, Ovulation Day, it's damn hard work trying to convince him that we need to be doing it AT LEAST every third day (preferably every other day!)
Still... I'm now inside that precious little window where it's a possibility - I had to wait until he was sleeping last night and then convince him very gently (it wasn't rape, no matter what he says!!!). I'm hoping that a few pints (for him) on Friday night will make my job a little easier...Sunday could be a harder job as we'll be helping a friend care for his 3 week old child on his first day of 'custody' and I suspect that might give DOH second thoughts about the whole thing!!
I wonder how many other wanna be mums have spent all morning in bed lying with their bum up on a pillow, praying for that little seed to take root
Of course it's been my prevailing thought most of the time for the last 6 months, but even more so after having spent Tuesday afternoon helping to care for my lovely new 6 week old cousin - it's just so incredible to hold this whole new person in your arms and watch him grow. His mother, my aunt, knows that I'm trying, and was laughing, warning me about the morning sickness, the exhaustion... I think she, like a lot of people, wanted their babies desperately but would happily have had them delivered by a stork! On the other hand, I can't wait to be pregnant... I adore the idea of feeling that first flutterings inside me, I can't wait to see my belly stretch and grow (not so sure about my boobs.... if I gain the average of 2 cup sizes that would make me 34G!!!), believe it or not I'm even looking forward to the constant nausea I expect to be accompanied by for the first 12 weeks (although I'm sure i'll tire of it pretty quickly!)
But what can I do... hope and pray
Oh, and of course, lie still for 14 hours afterwards with my bum on a pillow!!!