19 weeks now!

Goodness how time flies!! I'm now 19 weeks pregnant, and so if you consider a baby is thought to be full term if born after 38 weeks that means I'm half way through... it seems to have gone by so quickly. Thank goodness for that - I'm still struggling a bit, although there's no doubt its easier now that I don't have to struggle out to work every morning.

I'm still being sick in the mornings, and during the day if I'm moving about a lot (even walking from room to room or tidying up or anything) I start to heave uncontrollably... there's no doubt it will be easier not having to deal with three small children at the same time!! In balance, I think I'm quite happy to sit at home and worry about how I'm going to pay my mortgage instead!

Other things on the negative side, (to be added to my list of 'things I wish I knew before i was pregnant)
- Since being about 5 weeks pregnant I haven't had a night where I haven't had to get up to go to the loo, but in the last few weeks I wake every time I try to move in my sleep; either because I roll onto my back and nearly suffocate myself, or because if I want to turn from side to side I have to consciously shift the weight of my belly!

- HEARTBURN. 24/7 - I wasn't expecting to get this until much later on but it's already a constant.

- I can't get comfortable ANYWHERE - walking about makes me sick and I just can't find a way to sit that's comfortable so I'm constantly shifting around trying to balance the aches in the bottom of my tummy with the pains in my hips. Never mind in bed... my poor OH jokes that he's going to start sleeping on the floor very soon as I just cannot get comfortable in bed without the use of about 6 pillows - which of course get further and further over to his side of the bed every hours or so!

- I never knew that one of the 'side effects' of pregnancy was having a stuffy, blocked up nose or that you were more likely to have nosebleeds. Regular nosebleeds first thing in the morning combined with the morning sickness does not make for an attractive picture!!!

- I'd optimistically expected to get my normal energy levels back for at least the second trimester, but if I slow down any at all I'm going to be at a full stop! Even the smallest task leaves me reeling with exhaustion and I've discovered that if I do a lot one day I'll be practically comatose (and very violently ill) the following day... it's psychologically very hard to adjust to taking it easy and not being able to just keep going from morning to night the way I've always been used to doing!
Since being busy and active has been my strategy to keep depression at bay it does make me a little bit nervous to just let myself stop and tread water for a while, but so far so good - I'm so occupied (obsessed?) with thinking about my pregnancy and baby that I'm still feeling mentally quite strong.

On the other list though are the things I was expecting... but never knew would be so incredible

- I love seeing my gorgeous bump grow... it's now a proper bump; it hasn't actually grown much in size in the last 2 weeks but the shape has changed and it's lovely and round. And my boobs!! They're gorgeous (no roadmap of veins or massive nipples yet!), but they're massive - I've now gone from 34DD/E pre-pregnancy to 34H!! I'm going to need scaffolding when my milk comes in!!

- Feeling your baby moving inside you is one of the things I'd looked forward to the most, but I'd forgotten how incredible it is (at least at the minute, when it's still little and gentle!! I'm sure I'll be sick of it when it's filling every last mm of space inside me and battering my organs!!)

- The bizarre new bodily functions you acquire! Who knew?! Although of course I knew my boobs were going to start making milk, I didn't expect to really see anything change until the very end!! However on Saturday night I was lying on my side in bed reading a book and I started thinking how lovely it would be to lie in bed and feed my little one, when I realised I was leaking!! I have to say, I found it hilarious, but I don't think OH was quite so sure about it - in fact, he's a little bit freaked out!!

One of the other positives has been that I've been really lucky so far in some respects - I've got the thick, healthy hair, my nails are really strong, my skin has improved and people keep telling me I look 'healthy', and so far the only parts of my body that has changed are my boobs (36H and counting!!) and my belly. Somehow I haven't yet put on any weight but I'm sure that will come, and since baby is making its presence felt I'm pretty sure that whilst baby is growing, I personally must be losing weight.

So apart from the pregnancy blurb, what else has been happening? Well I had a really lovely Christmas - my family came here for their Christmas dinner, which has been the first time they've ever been up here to my OH's house, despite the fact I've lived here for over a year now. Dinner went exactly to plan and everyone had a great time, we had a lovely walk up the mountain on boxing day and it was a lovely start to what will be the new family tradition.

Since then I've kind of been stuck in the house as we live on the side of a mountain and our roads are a bit of a disaster in this weather... since the first really heavy snow the week before Christmas temperatures haven't got above freezing and our road is just like a bottle. Last year it wouldn't have phased me, but I just feel so much more vulnerable now. I'm hoping it doesn't last for too much longer or I'll go stir-crazy stuck in the house!

We had planned to go out this week and change one of our cars for a 4WD but since OH is being made redundant we'll have to wait and see how things pan out before we spend any money. Financially this year is going to be a bit tight, given that he's now on a 22hr wk and probably won't have a job in a few weeks time, and I've stopped working - and between us we have two mortgages and a loan. We'll get through though

I finished work on the Friday before Christmas, but today is the first time that it's started to feel a bit strange.. now that everybody else is going back to work I'll have to find a routine for myself and figure out what I'm going to do!! I'm hoping to start selling on ebay again and hopefully generate at least some sort of income to try and clear the balance on my loan.

At least we don't need very much for baby.... I've got a list of the last few big items we need to buy, and it's all fairly achievable:

I'm determined to give reusable nappies a good go and after doing lots of research I had settled on bumgenius, which was going to set us back a couple of hundred pounds. This weekend though I discovered 'Naughty baby nappies' on ebay and I should be able to get half of what I want for about £40 (I'll buy half white nappies now and then once I give them a trial run and find out what colours to go for i'll hopefully be able to buy another 8-10 so we can use them full time)

The cot mattress I've discovered I can get from Tesco direct which means I can redeem all the clubcard vouchers from the back of my 2009 diary - so it's not actually going to cost me a penny

The pram is the biggest purchase we have to make and thankfully my mum is going to buy it for us - I can't wait to go shopping for it!!

And the birth pool.... with the necessary kit it will probably cost around £150 - part of me thinks that it's not strictly an essential, especially when money is going to be so tight, but the more I read about it the more convinced I become that it may well be the best way to get the birth I want. An aunt of mine was home from England last week and she reinforced that even more by telling me about her water births. I've always felt at home in the water, and I can just imagine what a relief it would be to be gravity free!! I think I'll probably use the HIP grant to get it... after all, you only get to have your first child once and I want to give myself the best possible chance of a good birth experience.

There's lots to look forward to this month. First, on the 11th I've got my next midwife appointment where they'll hopefully book me in for the home birth service. I've done loads of research since our last appointment and will be going in ready to completely justify my decision. On the 14th we've got our scan which I know will completely bowl over Daddy-to-be. Then on the 21st I'm flying to Glasgow to see my brother at university - I've never been to Scotland before, and I can't wait to see his little world over there. From there I'm flying to London to see my sister - we're planning to potter about in the maternity shops and baby shops over there and have a nice relaxed few days together. Her and I had never been close, but when she was home for a few days at Christmas she was really interested in everything baby and we spent hours talking about baby names, so could it be we've finally found some common ground?! I'd never had her down as the maternal type but she definately can't wait to be an aunt!!

I'll fly home on the 25th - my 25th birthday, and from there on I'm just going to concentrate on growing a healthy baby! Oh - and decorating a beautiful nursery of course!!