Rudely awakened this morning by DOH leaping out of bed and turning on the light at 6.30 in order to answer a phone which was ringing in his dream, I sat up and was immediately hit by a wave of nausea ~ AHA! I though, (still being far from properly awake) ~ morning sickness! And so I rushed to the bathroom in order to ensure that precious 'early morning sample' was aimed at a stick of plastic similar to the one that will someday predict my future.
Had I been more awake I might have realised
a) Given that we only started 'trying' this month (albeit with several rather heartfelt efforts at the 'right' time as well as a few 'practice runs'), i'd promised myself that I wouldn't get my hopes up too quickly so as to avoid putting myself under pressure.
b) Even if we had been succesful this month, by this stage the baby would be a mere fused cell, (or zygote, if you want to be technical about it) and would by no means be ready to inflict the torture of morning sickness on it's well-intentioned host
c) That pregnancy testing isn't accurate before the baby is implanted (unsurprisingly!) and so they can't give an accurate result before your next period is overdue. Given that I'm not due until next Monday, I'm getting a little bit ahead of myself!
Nevertheless, back to bed I went, clutching my little stick (hastily shoving it under the pillow when DOH returns with a cup of tea)... Within 30 seconds a perfectly distinct line had appeared in the little control window and despite knowing already that there was no point I set my alarm for five minutes and tucked it under my pillow in the hope that it will produce that magical second line while I'm not looking.
5 minutes laterI'm contemplating writing to them to suggest that instead of the presence of one blue line they should produce a line with platitudes like 'Sorry, you're not a winner this time but please keep trying', or perhaps an offer to log online and download a free wallpaper instead, you know, like the little stickers you peel off the side of your McDonalds or something.
Home Testing Kits are now so accurate that Doctors surgeries rarely carry out the test, but instead send you to the chemist to get your own. All well and good, I'm sure it will be much nicer to find out in the privacy of my own home. However, for the obsessive amongst us it puts an end to the idea that I can create and sustain a baby without spending an unnecessary fortune; Because the fact that I can spontaneously leap out of bed and carry out a pregnancy tests means there was already one in my bathroom... and in fact there wasn't just one. In a box (well hidden under a box of Lil-lets) there isn't just one test - but 8.
Isn't it funny how you can convince yourself you're saving money on just about anything you decide you want? A bargain! 2 boxes of 2 tests for £9! Amazing! Never mind whether you need them yet or not! Of course I justified it at the time by telling myself I was getting four Tesco own brand cheepies for the cost of one Clearblue (never mind the digital ones!), but then I found myself wondering this morning... might it be worth perhaps popping out for a 'first response' test which promises to tell earlier than any of the others? A steal at only £11!!
Of course now being properly awake I've realised I missed another reason to have avoided peeing on my £2 stick: who doesn't feel slightly queasy when wakened suddenly out of the blue?
But still... no baby yet and already I've spent £18 on pregnancy tests.
The folic acid were a mere £1.61 for a 3 months supply and having bought them alongside my normal multi-vitamin a got a second tub free; fingers crossed 6 months supply might see me through.
So there we have it: £19.61 to swallow a tiny yellow pill every day and pee on a stick!
total so far: £19.61
So added to my 'baby cupboard' is a gorgeous pair of Gap Maternity Trousers; arrived with tags (rrp £29.95) for a not too shabby £3 (including postage!) 
